Medical Queries

A friend assures me these are all true quotes.

Q: Now, doctor...is it not true that when a person dies in his sleep he does not know until the next day?

Q: Doctor, have you preformed many post mortems on dead bodies?
A: All my post mortems were preformed on dead bodies.

Q: Do you remember at what time you started the examination of the body?
A: The post mortem started at 22.30

Q: And was Mr: Dennington dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting at the table wondering why I was performing a post mortem.

Q: Doctor, before you started the post mortem, did you check his pulse?
A: No.

Q: Did you check his blood pressure?
A: No.

Q: Did you check if he was breathing?
A: No.

Q: So is it then possible that he was alive when the examination started?
A: No.

Q: How can you be so certain, doctor?
A: Because his brain was in a container in my office.

Q: But could the patient still have been alive.
A: Yes, and possibly working as an attorney somewhere.

From another trial:

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory?
A: Yes.

Q: How does it affect your memory?
A: I forget things.

Q: Can you give us an example of something you have forgotten?

Q: How old is your son who lives with you?
A: He is 35 or 38. I can't remember exactly.

Q: And how long has he been living with you?
A: 45 years.

Q: Your youngest son, the 22-years-old, how old is he?

Q: When is your birthdate
A: July 15th.

Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: All your answers have to be oral.
A: All right.

Q: What school did you attend?
A: Oral.

Q: Where you present when this picture was taken?

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Can you describe the person you saw?
A: He was medium tall and had a beard.

Q: Was this a man or a woman?

Q: How did your first marriage end?
A: By death.

Q: And whose death did it end with?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.

Q: How many boys?
A: None.

Q: Did she have any girls?

Q: What was the first thing your husband said that morning?
A: Where am I Cathy?

Q: Why did that upset you so?
A: My name is Susan.